Deciding to take a vacation? Now where can you go? Ireland? A bit too cold this time of the year. Paris?
No.
A week at the cricket in Johannesburg. England touring. Readers will be spared the tedium of my memoirs; I confine myself here to the salient points:
Morning session. Arrived at Wanderers for second day of fourth Test. Conditions smashing. Thermoplyae not in attendance, contrary to dream as recorded in {d0×9B5:TERMISFORBIDDEN}.
Lunch. Can now confirm the thermophantasm’s assessment: J.P. Duminy is, in fact, not hot.
Afternoon session. Inclement weather; remainder of day’s play called off twenty minutes prior to tea break. Praise THE LORD for having mercy on the boys. Returned to rooms at embassy; telegram waiting with tea. Monsignor Pasco may raise an eyebrow at the allusion, but what sprang to mind was the interclerical salutation of the Greek schismatics.
Hotmodal is in our midst.
He is and ever shall be.
I confess I’m rather bemused by the great man’s invitation. I fear I’ve as much interest in administration as I do in wikis [?women].
In honor of the Fat Sam video being mirrored by RAYLABORATORIES, here is the CLIQUE guide to preventing uncomfortable Maintenance Closet Incidents in YOUR building. Follow the six easy steps of BE LORD.
Ban fat kids. This is a simple precaution that can save millions of dollars. Fat kids are practically born to be picked on, and when one fat kid establishes dominance over another, it is only a matter of time before he goes looking for an unlocked maintenance closet. Cut straight to the root of the problem by removing all fat kids from the premises.
Enforce beackpeack protocol. Beackpeacks are valuable tools, but they cause blind spots in wearers and are more often than not the starting point of a given Maintenance Closet Incident. If and only if beackpeacks are absolutely necessary, they should be worn on the beack at all times, and removed only when the wearer is alone and ready to place the beackpeack in storage. Otherwise, beackpeacks must be prohibited.
Lock all maintenance closets. It might seem like an obvious step, and it is. Most readers will move on to the next point before they finish this sentence. Even so, it is imperative that the custodial staff perform daily closet-sweeps. They must check all maintenance closet interiors, lock all closets, and make sure that no existing closets have disappeared or no new closets have appeared.
Outlaw three-syllable laughter. Many experts recognize that Maintenance Closet Incidents are triggered on both ends by small vocal ticks that come from one, or both, of the participants. The most common trigger by far is the reflexive three-syllable aspirate laugh. Don’t let dormant Maintenance Closet Offenders awaken; stem the tide with silence.
Require assistance paperwork. Should a person wish to give or receive help, he or she must place the request in writing using an approved Assistance Form. In the (hopefully) unlikely event that a Maintenance Closet Incident does occur, it must be possible to determine who the culprits were, and all liability must be traced to the involved assistance giver and receiver. Any assistance in progress, if observed, must be challenged through a request to see both participants’ forms.
Don’t ever releacks. A single moment of releacksation can cost your facility a billion dollars under present-day socialist law. If you ever cut corners on the above steps; if you ever let customers or employees believe they can get away with the violation of your policies; if you ever turn a blind eye to any suspicious behavior–those billion dollars will only be the beginning of your worries.
JC6 is finally here and it is finally a huge disappointment. Not only was the information way too old, the microphone especially apt to insert white noise whenever it wanted to, and the show over an hour and a half long; we just weren’t feeling “it,” where “it” is “drunk.” On the upside, we have some awesome music. And there’s the special feature at the end.
