November 7, 2008

Highlight of a Man

In this community, as in most others—well, never mind; I’ve never even seen others—we have a broad spectrum of members. There’s the CLIQUE personality, a grating know-it-all whose only redeeming quality is that he does actually contribute something worthwhile, even if it’s only a dash of humor. There’s the Story Forum guy, who will dissect any tidbit of information as long as it keeps him from playing ever again. A relatively new group is the horde of unwashed meatserver players, drawn here primarily by the Marathon/Halo connection.

Today, I’m going to talk about something we don’t see as often.

His nickname is AP, and he’s just had a tough time of everything. If you take a look at his site, you will notice that he has more than a few “issues.” The first is a case of loch that far exceeds my own and approaches ahuxley’s. This man has thoughts we can’t even begin to decipher:

geen paper - backside (hand written)
problems
discused /`
did...	travel to computer lab  /\/\
going on bus  n/\/\/
intendance  /\/\nn
schoolaphobic  /`´\/\	math, science, exploritory/
depended on teachers  /\/\/\
industrial arts /\/\/\
1st  Quart...  /`´\/V

This example is actually very interesting to me; I am drawn now to anything loch. AP doesn’t seem too “stable” in that bit of writing, but he is actually quite brilliant. Take a look at the language he designed, called Bare:

Sample macro code for square root:

loop with (1<<(s::)/2) ratio 2 (s/result) until +delta≤1;

The “with” parameter (1<<(s::)/2) means the result starts with a bit magnitude of half the scale of the input. The “ratio 2” means that the result is only affected by the code by one half. And the “until +delta≤1” means that the positive (absolute value) difference calculated of each result must be at most one fraction.
This is the optimized equivalent of the Newton Method of finding the square root. It is not needed, since it is built in to the Bare languagel the root symbol with no second operand, “s*/;”.

I honestly don’t understand more than 10% of that. The rest of the language definition is nearly as cryptic. But I’m honestly intrigued by what he has written.

You might be wondering what this has to do with Marathon or the community. Well, the community part is tough, but I’ll get to that later. The Marathon part comes from his engine project, Old Durandal. The project is essentially a version of the Marathon 2 engine for old Motorola 68k computers, with enhancements like those in Aleph One. What at first seems like a hoax or a failure (given AP’s own comments about how terrible or useless the project is), I have actually seen his engine work. It’s far from perfect or wonderful, but he has actually accomplished something. It’s tough going for him because he’s not only programming for an old machine, he’s programming on it.

I started this article shortly after the foundation of JFO (on May 20, 2008), and I’ve waited this long to publish it because I sent AP a few questions. He took a while to reply, but I think he gives us some insight into his misunderstood persona. Here’s a slightly edited version of the correspondence.

(Try to read between the lines a little bit more)

olmec: People, Serious, loch + tapped to you by irons @ 9:45 pm

September 29, 2008

Gnusto, JFO

K’ter l’oracne’ktr ESB’crkn rhl l’oac’rkthahrl tr’lac.
L’on t’hrl’ory, l’on l’oa’rhl’ktr tr’tract l’on t’rac r’ar r’arhl’rac.

(Try to read between the lines a little bit more)

olmec: *LINK*, Celebrities, Declassified Documents, ESB, People, loch + tapped to you by thermoplyae @ 11:02 pm

September 28, 2008

Dear Diary

Day 1

Dear Diary,

Today I checked Pfhorums as usual. There wasn’t much to see there. As usual lately. I mean, Moppypuppy got all huffy about his stupid topic (the one about the video, good God). There’s also a new scenario announcement: “lolnova.” It’s a joke scenario; whether the creators realize this or not is the only question in my mind.

ESB is getting some new adrenaline shot through its shriveled balls: some guy named “Godot” showed up. I swear something like this happened on Pfhorums two years ago… However, this Godot claims to be Hamish. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was just ukimalefu posting more of his redundant crap so ESB never dies. We were so close, too…

Three posts from glory.

Three posts from glory.

Day 2

Dear Diary,

I thought about things a little yesterday, and I just realized I haven’t played at all in a month or two. The nights just after my router replacement were joyous, full of netgames. I think I hosted a hundred within a couple of weeks. It was a new leaf for me, after the many months of non-gaming. Things were looking up.

Then what? I got drawn back into the CLIQUE meta-game. And I like it. I’ve got some comments from outsiders on JFO now, which might be because of the recent Pfhorums outage. I think I like the people here better than I like the game itself, if you can believe that. Why play at all?

Day 3

Dear Diary,

#alephone lately has been mainly join/part messages and discussion about Smithy. Don’t get me wrong; Smithy is a great program that will add new life to Marathon. It’s just a few years too late for me. I talk a lot about this program and others, but I need to face the reality that I’m not planning on mapping ever again. Sure, I might make a level occasionally, but I think everyone agrees that my heyday was over by the time I started Pelikan. It’s another case of learned behavior: making a fuss out of Marathon when I have almost nothing to do with it any more. Why bother?

Day 4

Dear Diary,

I launched the 4GET MARARTHON campaign. Some might ask why, and I will answer them in the privacy of this journal: for me and for Wolfy. Both of us have things we want to accomplish that became twisted and unrecognizable at some point in the last four years. I want to write, and my prose lately has taken me to new and frightening places, causing me to draw unforeseen conclusions about myself. Treellama went to school for his music, a noble goal. We both need to forget Marathon. There’s a word other have used in the past for the act of forgetting the game, but I don’t dare utter it just yet.

Day 5

Dear Diary,

4GET has already produced fruit. I wrote more in Earth Mother. Wolfy finished a song he began months ago. There’s not much of a choice now.

Now

loch

~~~~~~~~~~

(Try to read between the lines a little bit more)

olmec: #a1, 4GET MARARTHON, CLIQUE, Campaign, ESB, Jokes, People, loch, meta (meta is the best word ever) + tapped to you by irons @ 9:17 pm

September 20, 2008

Patrick ♥

Did you ever know that you’re my hero

olmec: *LINK*, *NM*, ESB, People, Theory, loch + tapped to you by irons @ 9:47 pm

September 12, 2008

Tanz In Der Halle Des Berkonigs

Marathon is the German Language of first-person shooters.

It is at times cumbersome, often full of subtleties, reviled or ignored by most unacquainted with its charm. To whom, then, do our own CLIQUE minds correspond?

Ryoko: Richard Wagner. Wagner is known for his dramatic, romantic, overblown musical style, the themes of which were eventually adopted by the Nazis. Ryoko’s maps are crazy big, grandiose, and so on. And he’s a Nazi.

He deserves nothing he has.

He deserves nothing he has.

Treellama: Thomas Mann. Mann was an astounding writer, and is one of my personal favorites. He opposed the Nazis and went into exile during World War II. Treellama is pretty reasonable, and he privately hates CLIQUE. Like Treellama, Mann had better things to do than hang around those losers.

you guys are so negative :( —Aug 2008

you guys are so negative :(

W’rkncacnter: This is where it gets tricky. I’m going with Karl Marx on the grounds that communism = JUICE.

HALF OF MY TEAM IS NOW OUT OF JAIL.

HALF OF MY TEAM IS NOW OUT OF JAIL.

Thermoplyae: Thermo is kind of mysterious. He also likes numbers. Therefore, the most suitable choice is Gottfired Leibniz, one of two losers who invented calculus, and the man who brought us binary. I’m sure he would be just as content to program in ML as Thermo is.

*spills dixie cup beer*

*spills dixie cup beer*

Ray: If anyone had owned an imageboard based on Germany back in the day, it would have been Goethe. Let’s look at Goethe’s masterpiece, Faust, from a Ray’s perpective—that is to say, Faust v. Mephistopheles: King of Fighters Romanticism Edition!!

then you will be 1/infinity as cool as me

then you will be 1/infinity as cool as me

Irons: I’m half-genius, half-crazy. People try to understand me and usually fail (unless they are my CLIQUE contemporaries). I created an übermensch named Hotmodal. I am Nietzsche.

loch nits olmec taps you the eight-foot-tall Burton

loch nits olmec taps you the eight-foot-tall Burton

olmec: Celebrities, Hotmodal, LEET KREW, Lists, loch + tapped to you by irons @ 3:31 pm

September 10, 2008

GAN GREEN

Stephen suffered him to pull out and hold up on show by the corner a dirty crumpled handkerchief. Buck Mulligan wiped the razorblade neatly. Then, gazing over the handkerchief, he said:

—The bard’s noserag. A new art color for our Irish poets: snotgreen.You can almost taste it, can’t you?

He mounted to the parapet again and gazed out over Dublin bay, his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly.

—God, he said quietly. Isn’t the sea what Algy calls it: a grey sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea…

James Joyce, Ulysses

olmec: Stories, Typography, loch + tapped to you by irons @ 12:22 pm

August 9, 2008

Why This Blog Will Never Be Hacked

Best Viewed in a GUI, IDIOT

olmec: *IMAGE*, Where the Twist Flops, loch + tapped to you by irons @ 12:24 am

July 13, 2008

Misogyny: NATO’s Understanding

/!\ Roof Notification /!\

In the interest of equality, there are no women allowed.

It’s a tough topic in a male-oriented community (which, let’s face it, is every gaming community—but especially Marathon): Misogyny.

misogyny (n.): The hatred of, or pathological aversion to women.

Phallus 1

Phallus 2

Phallus 3

From birth to unbirth, there is no way to fight against the prejudices of our greatest passion.

Or is there? Let’s explore some methods.

12 July 2008

Dear Irons,

We have decided that your Proposal (EN-C445C-9A) no longer speaks to the hearts or minds of the Single White Female audience that was originally our target demographic. While we would still like to see your new Marathon game, we feel that it would do best as a scenario among the multitude that followed Infinity, rather than as our new project.

Our Deepest Apologies,
Bungie Studios

They didn’t like the gratuitous sexual content.

Here’s what experts say:

  S
  t
  o
Camping
  p
olmec: Crude Drawings, Theory, Where the Twist Flops, loch + tapped to you by irons @ 11:36 pm

June 24, 2008

Modern Literature and Assassingao

Over the past century society has been forced to come to terms with the rapidly quickening race to what we now refer to as the Information Age. While other basic instruments of permanent communication (paper, printing press, etc.) have been around for a while, it was really radio that sparked the mass dissemination of information we know as pop culture. Radio was something you could flip on while you chatted with your friends or while you cooked dinner, and in retrospect a key part to it was that it was too quick-moving to be pinned down by serious thought in the same way the written word could command and be commanded by intellect. Radio had a mental ceiling, a point past which you would lose the listener, and from radio to television to our grand Internet this limit has gotten steadily more restrictive. Radio and television were still in some sense inaccessible; you had to convince a publisher/producer that what you were doing was worth airing for the masses, and then the sheer number of people involved in the actual production and broadcast was enough both to keep the common man out of the backstage and to keep him tuned in. The Internet, however, has no such barrier; anyone with $30 of free income a month is capable of purchasing the service and sharing his worldview with anyone who cares to listen. Of course, the average person is unforgivably stupid, and so a better word for ’share’ is maybe something along the lines of ’spew.’ Luckily the sheer popularity of the device keeps any one voice from being heard too clearly, and instead there is a billion-man cacophony consisting in part of nuanced poetry and in part of advanced mathematics and science — icons of intellectual ability and roots of cultural infrastructure — but the vast majority contains just “lol ^_^” over and over.

This, our Internet, is the stage for an 18-year-old Thai boy who goes by the moniker “assassingao” (though among us proud and few admirers, we prefer to shorthand it as “Gao,” a practice I will use here). The trouble with stupidity is that it isn’t an emotional disability but an intellectual one. The average 18-year-old will not understand a religious argument, but he will still be incensed by it. Gao, however, is much more extreme than this; he is so amazingly, mind-numbingly vacant that he speaks straight from his soul. Indeed, many times he reaches beyond this and touches the soul of the everyman, and many more times he loses all ability to communicate and we see only flashes and fragments of ideas, coated in undecipherable gibberish, a veritable mind-dump of information. It is with this mindset that we must approach his works. Take, for instance, his fanfiction account. The second chapter of his (misleadingly titled) work Trying To Die, reads as:

“He cried. Soon, he laid on his futon. Still crying. A moment later, he drifted to sleep.”

This, right here, is something that everyone in his mid-20s can relate to. It is — it is damn near universal, substituting ‘futon’ for ‘park bench’ or ‘curb’ but keeping the same mode of thought. There is no one who hasn’t been there. Gao is an untapped vein of straight up human experience, and despite both Jon Irons and me pressuring him, he has decided to leave his writing career behind him without much comment. Luckily for us, he wrote his magnum opus of Marathon-related work before abandoning his duty as a human being, and while we regret his decision we are thankful for what we have.

Now, anyone can simply read Gao’s prose (dare I call it poetry?), and so I will try to restrict discussion to reading between the lines instead of discussing the surface material. (I suspect that this will lose steam pretty quickly; while every time I read Gao I find something new, my knowledge is still relatively small compared to the body of work itself, and we will run out of material in short order.) Let’s begin with Gao’s only other Marathon-related work. I’ll give you some time to read; try not to focus too hard on that surface content, look instead for those hidden messages, focus especially on the parts that tend towards nonsense.

First, there’s the comicbook-esque random boldfacing of words, but stringing them together makes it seem a lot less contrived. “Destiny built destiny,” Gao tells us, “it’s wrong.” Then, “dangerous spy tenth mjolnir battleroid,” and we have a working thesis for this piece. (Also, 7 words, plus the 3 from “tenth mjolnir battleroid,” coincidence?) And this at first glance might seem to be gibberish (worse, pulling gibberish out of gibberish), but if there is a God then he speaks through Gao, and this is where we must look if there is meaning to be had anywhere. The other place on the first page that this really turns to white noise is

emotions are same as humans.

If you squint, you can see the inspiration for the introduction of this post.

Here’s the second page. (As an aside: thinking about it now, Gao hasn’t ever really finished a story completely, and it’s possible that the philosophical quips are embedded largely in his introductions, where he doesn’t have to worry so much about the action. We may never know, since we don’t have a serious conclusion to compare against.) Gao spends the majority of this page writing (bad) action, drawing heavily on regurgitated Matrix-style imagery. This truly is the western mind laid bare. The only confusing point is the ending, where it is not clear if Gao fired the shots and his hands are messed up (could easily be heading for Gheritt White) or if Gao only noticed some time later that he didn’t actually fire the shock bolts. My bet is on the latter; it seems more his style based on — well, let’s revisit this point when we’re through with -Untitled-.

For you sorry saps who haven’t read -Untitled-, here’s a link to the relevant Pfhorums thread. Gao leads off by demonstrating utter mastery of the English language:

“Graaawl!” Laid there was the flick’ta, it was alive before it was killed by the marine just a second ago with his fists.

The amount of effort needed to decompose this impressively crafted sentence nearly registers on the Richter scale. Continuing on, we begin to get a feel for the story’s raison d’être; Gao is not interested in the portrayal of the Marine as a God-like figure and has instead put himself in the Marine’s shoes, transforming him into an idiot with a pistol. “Hello!” he shouts at the lifeless computer screen, and we can almost feel the spray of spittle and see the lazy eye. This is a man working with what he has. This is a common man.

Gao is also unafraid of bringing out tough topical items like homoeroticism:

he had sweat all over his body. He can take a lot of heat away from his hardware by just sweating.

The Pfhor are already an established vehicle for human oppression, and here he simply takes that one step farther. That it’s so subtle suggests that Gao himself may not even fully comprehend what he’s written. Here we see the mind of a 16-year-old male coming to grips with a — well, perhaps not a slippery sexuality, but at least one that’s at least a little greasy. Gao in addition makes a play at discussing the moral questions of the classic Man vs. Society struggle with the doppelgänger Marine, a manifestation of the Marine’s rage against his resurrection (since Blake is directly responsible for the creation of the S’acv) and his plans to help the secondary forces intertwined throughout the story. He fights, however, only with Blake, and he is handed his defeat because of it. The message Gao wishes to convey is that no one man is responsible for society’s actions or prahblums, that it is wrong to single someone out as a root cause.

I know that this isn’t really the post you guys wanted; when I speak of Gao it typically goes more along the lines of

thermoplyae: “‘Wake up’ Blake said while punching the marine’s head.”
thermoplyae: gao has clearly had a roommate before
jon_irons: a room mate named genius
thermoplyae: and one morning genius yelled “Wake up!” while it punched him in the head
jon_irons: let’s write a biography

but this is the post you’re getting. Gao deserves to be appreciated for what he’s brought into this world; you hardly need me to point out the funny parts. They are self-identifying. Again, the important point (and this is the point that ties it loosely to loch) is that Gao doesn’t know any better to cloak his thoughts in what he thinks society wants to hear, nor does he know any better to be something other than average. Sure, his work is meant to be enjoyed as it’s written, but it’s important to realize what it is that you’re reading to appreciate it fully. This is more than Gao; it is you and me, and Gao tells us without hesitation or remorse that we are the spittle on the screen.

As a parting gift, here’s an actual, honest-to-God conversation with Gao:

gao: I felt like a brain-dead zombie now
gao: When did it was?
gao: At least, here’s a fact: I never spam with less than one alphabet.
gao: I’m gonna play for a sex

Maybe that connection with loch isn’t so tenuous after all.

(Email Gao to tell him how much you appreciate him.)

olmec: Fanfic, People, Pfhorums, Theory, loch + tapped to you by thermoplyae @ 11:36 pm

June 19, 2008

Love Lost

She was honestly the most gorgeous woman I had ever known. The most gorgeous, too, that I ever will know. That alone created all sorts of difficulties–standards I constructed on my own, without her help, not to mention those she brought to the relationship. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

There were times throughout my formative years that I would catch a glimpse of her. Oh, no, it wasn’t actually her until some time later. But you know how it is: as artists have their Muse, my past self had, from the womb, a conception of idealized beauty that drove every action in my life. A few of my early finger-paintings hold the shadow of my ideal; here and there, amid the smiling suns and grassy fields, a feminine form–unmarred by the later impositions of society–reveals itself in simple lines. Extended fingerprints create flowing hair, misunderstood breasts, skirts and dresses, crude hands grasping flowers.

I saw her later in cartoons, in campfire reveries, and finally, before my own eyes during English class in my sophomore year of high school. It was not a dream come true; it was a simple nod from Fate that yes, she had existed all along.

In my daze, I hardly remember the months of that year spent in agony, in bliss. I can no longer recall if she ever caught me looking at her, for that would imply gazing into her eyes–something which erased all memory. My journals from that period are suspiciously devoid of her name or description. I suppose it makes sense, after a fashion; how often do you describe the veins in your feet, unless something has gone wrong with them? But I can still feel the tension in my writing from that time. I was a lion ready to spring forward.

When I did, it went surprisingly well. It was sudden, there was no warning, and there I stood on her doorstep with a lump of clay in my hands, both literally and figuratively. She let me in after I uttered the sweet, brilliant, foolish line, “Let’s shape it together.” Hours later, we conversed with words for the first time ever–the sculpture was a conversation of its own, never to be repeated–and oh, her voice, that enchanting power was finally directed at me of all people. “Come with me,” she said that evening, “come with me forever.”

From that day forward, the ground dropped slowly from beneath my feet while I took no notice, instead staring at the heavens with no concept of evil or loss. Every breeze was her caress. Not a single night went by that her face and body strayed away from my dreams, pillaging my heart and soul. There is a word in French, farouche. It means both “wild” and “tame.” We experienced l’amour farouche.

I know she felt it, too. With love, it’s easy to tell the difference between a one-way street and a boulevard–provided you’re experiencing the real thing. She invested as much of her self in me as I did in her, and I think that was the beginning of our problem. As I already said, both of us had notions that gradually filtered in from outside our protective circle. No, it was not a circle; it was an impossible two-sided shape that could only last for a fleeting moment before vanishing, left only as the most powerful memory on Earth. And that is just what happened.

While I confess that the beginning of this decade-long ordeal of joy is mired in oblivion, I can say with certainty that its end and decline (in that order) are clearer than the crack of Arctic ice during an everlasting dawn. The end came and went; it was instant. But the energy it imparted to us left us rushing to the future with no clear goals. We crashed through barrier after barrier: college, careers, family deaths, and finally pregnancy. How, in our decadence, could we have wanted to generate a new life out of the readily-apparent death of our delirious love? We did see that happening, but the love still lived, and I believe that was the root of our particular delusion. Hope was just a heart in a bear trap.

I held her so often, felt her radiance through our clothing. With her, there was no such thing as nakedness: such a concept involves shame and the implication that we wore something encumbering to begin with. How often do you call an animal “naked?”

Only when it has come to lack something important.

So it was that we ended up in the hospital. The pregnancy had been difficult, but doctors had assured us that it was nothing to worry about. It was only until that last moment, when our child emerged in blood from his nine months of growth, that I knew the truth. Her wan smile broke my heart, the monitors attached to her went wild and then only rang with the alarm that the patient was about to die. Her lips moved with both a word and a kiss, and she left this world.

“My God!” I shouted at the doctor, my infant son cooing in my arms. “Please, tell me what she said. I’ll give my own life to know her dying words.”

The doctor smiled and shook his head knowingly. “She told you to stop camping.”

-fin-

olmec: Fanfic, Serious, Where the Twist Flops, loch, meta (meta is the best word ever) + tapped to you by irons @ 12:59 am
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